Lost & Found
by PleaseInsertUsernameHere
Summary: After the war, Zuko weighs lies and truths. His sister recovers in the interim.


**This is my first fanfic. It's an idea I just couldn't get out of my head.**

* * *

"You're a good brother."

* * *

Zuko has heard that particular phrase far too often since the war ended. He has heard it, at least, more than to his liking. Summarily, he is not at all a good sibling, especially a good _older _sibling, and so he always reacts to the compliment with silence.

The first time he heard it was from Katara, of all people, and very shortly after from the rest of their friends. He cannot accept it, because none of them ever considered his sister to be an actual person. Ozai was the sum of all fears, and she was his weapon. She terrified and repulsed them.

Although Sozin's Comet marks the dawn of his new life, the dusk of the old is more bittersweet than he imagined. Every detail of that time—from the tearful reunions to the fateful Agni Kai—will forever be etched in his mind. He always sees his sister's face. It is contorted in a way he had never before witnessed, somehow both virulent and pleading. They waited four hours for her to stop screaming, at which point she fell into a deep sleep only total mental exhaustion could have borne. Much to Katara's shock, he unchained her, and carried her solemnly from the grate. She looked much smaller in his arms.

When he handed her off to her transport, he told her that everything would be fine. He told her that she would be helped. He knows now that he made a liar of himself.

"You're a good brother, Zuko. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now... Anyone else would have sent her straight to prison."

* * *

The next instance comes from Uncle, when they are discussing Zuko's new duties as Fire Lord. He mentions allotting time to visit her, which catches the older man completely off guard. That is not to say he is upset. Iroh loves all people, even his brother, so he certainly loves her. But he blinks too quickly and then they have another long discussion about dual lineages and dangers in their family. When the Fire Lord argues that it applies as much to her as it did to him, Uncle nods solemnly.

"I fear that she is not strong enough to make the same choice... But believing in her is the first step. I am proud of you, nephew. You're a good brother."

Two years later, he hears the same thing from his mother. Finding her has filled a hole in his heart, but another takes it's place when Azula flees into the valley. He supposes that is just his luck.

Ursa visits the palace very soon. Between Ikem and Kiyi and Team Avatar, Zuko is blessed to have an impromptu family much different from before. Their time together is joyous. When night falls, however, he and his mother sit at the smallest table in a parlor and talk in hushed tones. She wants to know everything, and he supposes he can understand that. He tells her more about his scar and about his banishment. He explains how he made his new friends and became the man he is today. They talk about his sister. From accounts by Mai, Ty Lee, and himself, they piece it together. It is terribly tragic. Ursa weeps, because she truly loves her older daughter. She simply could not express it. To his disgust, Zuko finds himself wishing that she had tried a little harder.

"She never let people love her. Except your father, but I think even she knew that was dead end. We'll find her, Zuko. I'll never abandon you two again... I'm just glad you were there when I wasn't. You're a good brother."

He wants to tell her that he was not there, most of the time, but he holds his tongue. It is the same with her as it is with Uncle. He cannot accept their praise here, because they can never come close to understanding her. They love her, he is certain. Unconditional love is meaningless to a child who is told that she is fundamentally broken.

* * *

It is almost believable when he hears it from Mai and Ty Lee. That year, he and his childhood sweetheart get back together, and Azula is returned to the palace in chains. The circumstances of her capture are a mystery. Zuko will not disclose how much he paid to find her. As a Kyoshi Warrior, Ty Lee has worked in the palace for years. And so the four of them are together again.

Azula recovers quickly, which Zuko attributes to the presence of her friends. Against all odds, they take her back in, and eventually forgive each other. This relationship is much healthier than their last. Albeit, they had a rocky start. But Mai has always had a soft spot for both siblings, which she fails spectacularly at hiding. And Ty Lee, for all of her vapid smiles, understands his sister in a way none of them comprehend. That is, after all, why she feared her the most.

From the year of psychological reports that he has, and her behavior, Zuko suspects that Azula will never fully recover. At least, she will not in the traditional sense of the word. It is all goes back to their childhood, and maybe their dual lineages. But he does not consider her broken. Now, she is less skittish and her episodes thin out until there are more good days than bad. There are no easy days.

One morning, Zuko and Mai are enjoying tea and Ty Lee trudges in to join them. There are bags under her eyes and her hair is frayed, but on the whole she seems happy. She explains that Azula will not be joining them today, because she desperately needs sleep. Ty Lee herself stayed up all night, holding her as she cried. That news will not leave their little posse, of course. Then she goes on and on about how much she cares about Azula, and how much she's changed, and how lucky they all are to be back together, as only she can.

"It's just so, so great how much better she does here! It's like when we were kids, but better, and worse in some ways, I guess… Thanks for not sending her back to the asylum, Zuko. You're a good brother."

Mai nods her head in agreement. They _should_ know, having been her servants and then her enemies and then her friends. They have always chosen what was best for her, even in saving her from herself. But he can only dwell on his failure, his own inadequacies, which put the weight of the world on her shoulders.

* * *

When Azula turns twenty, Zuko marvels at her growth. She does not stare longingly at the throne, or assault her bodyguards, or shut down in the presence of company. Even visits from Uncle and Mother go relatively smoothly. She is as obdurate and proud as ever, but Zuko is thankful for that. With her it is all about celebrating the small victories, and she has come so far.

She seems to be connecting with family, and she has friends, and maybe even romance. By necessity, all of that is injected with some of her eccentrics. She seems as close to happy as she can be.

Growing up, they were polar opposites. And that is still true. But he sees so much of himself in her, and she is smart enough to recognize the same, so they have a newfound respect for one another. He takes her on as an advisor in politics—on a very, very short leash. Unsurprisingly, she does exceedingly well. He is no longer resentful of her talent and she is no longer resentful of his crown.

They have a weekly Pai Sho game, held under the guise of discussing strategy. Really he just wants to chat with her, but they do talk tactics often. She tries very hard to look disinterested, because she knows what he is doing, but he can tell that she enjoys it too.

She moves a tile lazily. As the game comes to a close, she will get that predatory look in her eye. Sometimes he would rather just forfeit.

"You're doing quite well. In the game and in other things…"

"Save it."

Her tone is ice cold. With anyone else, he would think it rude. He just smiles. A few turns pass in silence.

"You know, you never thanked me for giving you that job."

She looks up from the board, unimpressed. "You choose the best candidate. Unless there's another beautiful firebending prodigy and military genius out there."

Zuko is about to scoff, but, then, she wins the game with her next move. With a half-smile, she explains where he went wrong. She is actually a good teacher, if you can get passed the smugness. Perhaps she will teach his children how to wield lightning, one day. As soon as her explanation ends, he speaks.

"How are you doing, really?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

He sighs. "I'm not here to psychoanalyze you, Azula. I'm not here to grovel at your feet, either. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you."

She quirks an eyebrow and might be stifling a laugh. Their eyes lock, and after a few moments she answers, "Perhaps in another life, without a throne on the line, or Father's influence, we could have been friends."

"We still can be," he says, as they both rise. Her eyes narrow, like she is after all these years still searching for his angle. But she seems to relax as the walk together through the courtyard.

"You're not a very good brother, Zuzu. But you found me when I was lost, and I suppose that counts for something."

The truth, he thinks, coming from the queen of liars. It is all he wanted to hear.


End file.
